I have not posted in so long but it is because I am in Japan. Not that I can't get to a computer obviously, but because once I get back that is when I want to write. I want to be able to put every detail of this beautiful place all at once instead of in bits and pieces.

I have neglected to write once again for way too long. I feel like kicking myself every time I get too busy to write, cause you should always make time. I've noticed I don't really have time for anything the last couple of weeks due to the fact I work 6 days a week and work 2 jobs. If I do have days off, those precious hours and minutes are used sleeping or simply relaxing and watching tv. All complaints. I work too much, I don't get enough sleep, I don't do this and that, and yada yada ya. I really can't complain. I am lucky to have not only one but two jobs. Most people can't even get one job at the moment with how our economy is. I get to go to Japan and spend time with the one I love. Overall, after getting through the spiderweb complaints I am so happy to have what I have and do what I do. I'm just in a random writing mood, not really focusing on one topic, but who cares?! I've noticed in the past year and a half I feel that reality has set in and I see things the way they are, no sugar, sprinkles and cherry on top, just the raw, uncut version. I feel I see what this world has come down to. Now, that I see it, it scares the living shit out of me, no lie. Some people may live in a fairy tale land their entire life because they are in complete denial and can't accept life for what it is. I may sound cocky, big headed or egotistical, but I just see it how it is.

So, last night I meant to write a long blog cause I was so in the mood to write... but I ended up going to sleep. I'm kind of upset with myself cause I have been writing less and less, and I know I should be writing everyday to improve my skills. Blah. I leave so soon for Japan and I'm getting really nervous now. I hate planes. On another note, last night Jenny and I went to a NA meeting with her ex-boyfriend Dale. I felt so comfortable there and I loved the fact that no matter what even if you aren't an addict the people accept you. Hearing their stories and the hurt in their voice made me feel for them, made me want to get up and hug every single one of them. I've picked up smoking again about 2 months ago after my 3months of no nicotine. I plan on quitting again cause it doesn't make me feel good. In about 2 weeks, Jenny and I are road tripping to my other house a couple days before my parents do for the fourth. We're having a yard sale and I'm so stoked. We finally get to take a mini trip just us driving, singing to music and stopping when we want to, without parents woot woot!

36 days. I am so excited.

40 days till we get to see each other.

44 days til I get to see my soon to be husbandddd :) He officially called and asked my dad for my hand in marriage the other day :)! Nothing else has really been going on except all I do now is work...

I work two jobs now. Applebee's of course, and then at Regal 18 in Delray. I hate it. Not only am I going into another work place where they have already established a bond with one another, but it's slow as fuck and I'm not used to sitting around doing nothing for a job. So, most days I go to work at Applebee's in the morning, then I get off and have about 2-3 hours to relax before going to Regal and doing a night shift there. Once fall comes, I will be working 2 jobs and going to school. I really don't like Regal though. I feel everyone who walks in there looks down on me, but at Applebee's when people walk in there they don't because I'm the one serving their food. I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking too much into it. 52 days til Japan. <3!

I start my second job tomorrow.

Today was probably one of the best days of my life. I went to graduation nervous and kind of feeling still like a child but, when I walked across stage it was amazing hearing everyone clap and be happy for you. Tonight was also probably one of the best. I hung out with kids in my class that I either never spoke to or maybe exchanged a few words with. I spoked and it made everything feel amazing. Like there was such a good vibe at Court's. forreal. Everyone was laughing and joking and just talking as if we all were friends at school. Tonight made me feel like we all had been best friends for 4 years and just were chillen hanging out, enjoying everyone's company. I, now do not hate the kids in my class. I wish that we actually had more times than tonight together. I feel like an adult now.

So, today's the day. The day I walk across that stage. The other day at rehearsal when we were walking down the isle I started to freak out and tear up cause it finally hit me. It's not that I'm sad about never coming back to high school, it's more about I guess leaving and finally getting out in the real world. It's a scary place.

Time to learn Spanish and Japanese.

Graduation is on Saturday and I can't wait. I have honestly been waiting for this day to come since I was in kindergarten. People constantly are coming up to me and telling my congratulations and it makes me happy. I've stuck through school and I've gotten here. I have about 2 more months till I will be in Japan. This is an opportunity in a life time and I wouldn't miss it for anything. I will be working hopefully everyday till I leave in July. Then once I come back it's going to classes and working. There probably will not be anytime for play. Welcome to my life. But, it's fine with me. Work now and play later. Other things are more important to me than partying. Nothing else is really going on, except I have a few new tattoos lined up.

Yesterday I went down to the courthouse and sent off my passport shit. I can't wait. I'm now a step closer to seeing him in 3 months. Get ready to be bombarded with tons of pictures from there.

So, here's a little update... The date has not been set yet, but we will be getting married either before he is deployed or after he is. We haven't made the decision yet. I will be visiting him for 3 weeks in July in Japan and I cannot wait. I will be starting PBCC in the fall so, I can start to get my AA and then further my education. Once we are married and he is deployed it will take about 3-4 months till I move to him. It will be international, such as Taiwan... but, we are still not sure where he is going. I know that people see me as young because I am 18 years old, but I knew since the first time we kissed that it wasn't just going to be something pointless between us. When we really started to date I knew that he was the one and that he would be the man I was going to marry. I have gotten comments both good and bad about marrying at this age. I see it as we both are mature and know what we are doing. I would much prefer for people to keep their rude comments to themselves if they do so have them. This is my life, and this is what I've wanted. I couldn't be any happier.

Friday was our last night together till July when I will be going to Japan to spend a few weeks with him. It feels so weird not having him around, like going from before he went to BMT seeing him almost everyday then not seeing him for 2 months, then seeing him for 2 weeks, then not for a month and half, then seeing him for 3 days, and then now when he came home for 3 weeks. I wont see him for about 3months. The time scheduling is totally different. Japan is like 14+ hours ahead of us so talking on the phone is going to be difficult. I know that we are going to get over this bump. I suspect that I will be moving to Japan in the next year and half. I'm excited. This time around having to say goodbye to my boyfriend feels like BMT all over again. I feel like half of myself was completely torn and ripped away from me. It's ridiculous, I have spouts of crying. I just need to think about July. I need to just work hard in school so I pass that one stupid class, and work hard at work so I can save all of my money. Once school is over I probably will be living at work so I can save all of my money and make extra for Japan and moving out in the fall.

He's home till next Saturday and it's so nice. Everyday I get to see him and be able to kiss him and hug him. He leaves directly from Miami to Dallas then Tokyo. How crazy. I don't know how I'm going to deal. I graduate in like 16 school days... finally. I've been waiting for that day since my first day of kindergarten. I'm so ready to be done with this shit and get my life on the roaddd. So, what I think I'm going to do, is just do my regular AA at PBCC so I can work a lot, and live at home. This wasn't my first option or idea, but it seems the most reasonable. What I will do is start working full time, save my money so hopefully by October or September I can move out and be stable. I've been thinking a lot, and I remember years ago I used to be like "Oh, I'm going to move out as soon as I turn 18, then I'm going to move far away for college... blah blah blah" My thoughts have completely done a 360. I'd rather move not that far away in case something does happen I can get to them or them to me. To be honest, I'm completely nervous to move out now. Like my room is will not look nor feel the same. The walls will no longer have my crazy colors painted on them. They will no longer have the words I have written on them. It will no longer be mine. Well, I guess since I am an adult it's time to move out, be on my own, see what life has in store for me. I need to stop being such a baby and just go. But, I'm being real, and mature and making wise decisions. I know this. I guess I'm somewhat contradicting myself. But, whatever. Japan this summer to be with him. I cannot wait. I think that is when my life will actually start. First time on my own to another place, especially another country.

I found hope in a homeless man dancing and singing to Don't Worry, Be Happy. For he has lost everything and seemed to still be happy and kept going on. To him I have everything and he has nothing. Don't take things for granted. Be happy with what you have, cause to someone like him you have the world in your hands.

My Airman. My boyfriend. My soon to be husband.

Hello, my name is Olivia and I am going to be a military wife, but at the moment I am a military girlfriend.
<3

I just have lost faith,


but I'm finding it again.

Not having a religion is not bad. I now feel like a burden is put on me. She freaked out of me. She grabbed two cigarettes and a glass of wine. Her way of freeing. And I don't have that. I don't have a religion. I don't really believe in God. Is there something wrong? I believe more of the scientific evolution than the Bible. What is so wrong with the believing or not believing of these things in this time of age. Are you or we looked down upon? I was not going to lie to her. There is no reason in lying. I am my own person. I have my own thoughts, morals, and goals. They may destroy one but make another whole. At times I believe in I guess you could call it another hierarchy.

have i made a fool of myself
and destroyed someone?